Surviving Myself A Journey from Suicidal to Happy


Sunday Morning

-- Andy Grant, January 5, 2014

On this January morning I was looking out my home office window and had one of those amazing little moments. One of those moments of insight and introspection that may mean nothing to anyone else, but which brought tears to my eyes.

Grey Clouds

I looked out my window seeing the grey, gloomy sky, then gazing higher above, almost straight up, I saw clear blue sky. Such a gorgeous expanse of limitless blue with white puffy clouds zooming by. The clouds were moving so fast it looked like a time lapse film that compressed the cloud movements of an entire day down to seconds. I looked back at the horizon - the grey clouds sitting there motionless.

 Blue Sky

In the peripheral vision of my right eye, I could see dark, ominous trees. I turned to them to see a field of leafless, dark shapes with translucent rays of light poking though, giving the branches ominous highlights. It was rather eerie and menacing, a bit of a traditional Halloween scene.

I realized all of this was happening at the same time. All of these scenes, these views, were real; and my mood, my emotions, my outlook, changed depending on which one I focused. The overall scope was too grand for me to see all three aspects at the same time. I had to choose what I wanted to see; what I wanted to focus on. I got to choose what I wanted to experience.

The sky is always blue. It is the clouds that are sometimes grey. The sun is always shining, we just don't always see it.

Life is always good, we just aren't always aware of it. Sometimes we are deceived by the filters, the clouds, the temporarily leafless, scary trees. It is all good.

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Power of Gratitude

I'm sure you have heard of gratitude; being thankful for what you have, but are you aware of how powerful the thought and emotion gratitude can be?

My first online course, "The Power of Gratitude: Learn how to improve the quality of your life with an attitude of gratitude", is based on my in-person gratitude workshop, but it ended up being longer than my live event (over four hours of content!) and it is cheaper than attending the live event too. Plus, you decide when to take it, what speed to go through it, and you'll always have access to it. I decided to launch it at the amazing price of only $37, but I want reward my people with a special deal of only $19. That's right, use the link here and you get this 4 hour+ course for less then twenty bucks!

Act now!

The Power of Gratitude course

"This course is incredible. It really made me stop and think about so many things I take for granted each day. I enjoyed doing the exercises that were included in the course. Your energy and enthusiasm are contagious!" ~Sue

"Loving Andy Grant's wisdom and humor." ~Karen

In this course we will explore gratitude from a spiritual, energetic, and scientific perspective.

Whether you've been keeping a gratitude journal for years, once had a gratitude practice but have stopped, or even if you think the notion of gratitude having any effect on your life is utter nonsense I invite you to join me. You will take part in a number of journaling exercises and learn simple rituals you can use on a daily basis to bring about an attitude of gratitude in your life. I'll share my story later, but let me say up front that everything I'll teach you is something I used to think was a ridiculous waste of time - that is until I tried it.

I will share with you scientific studies from the field of Positive Psychology proving the amazing power of gratitude on your health, happiness, relationships and well being. You don't have to believe I word I say, just be intrigued enough to put some of the practices I'll share with you to work and then decide for yourself. Sign up now!

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Meeting Anita Moorjani

Andy and AnitaEarlier this month I had the chance to meet Anita Moorjani, author of Dying To Be Me, a powerful and inspiring memoir chronicling her Near Death Experience and unexplainable healing from terminal cancer. I first heard of Anita in early 2012 while reading Wayne Dyer's excellent book, Wishes Fulfilled. He told a bit of her story and shared her primary message of unconditional self love.

I bought her book a month or so later, but didn't read it. I wanted to. I had time to. But I was scared. Everything I read or heard about Anita and her story resonated so strongly with me, so many of her words matched exactly what I've said in my own speeches that I was scared to read it. I was concerned that I'd be "ripping her off." So I ignored the book for more than a year.

This July I took Anita's online class with Hay House. I loved it. I felt like I could have been teaching so much of it. Still I didn't want to Dying To Be Meread the book. Finally, two days before I was going to see her speak in Hartford CT on Sept 14, 2013, I read her book. I devoured it, inhaled it, and I immediately got that it was the Truth. That is why it resonated so strongly with me, and why so many of her words seemed to be my own. We are both sharing the Truth. I laughed at myself as I understood that I couldn't "rip off" the Truth.

I got to spend a few minutes with Anita after her presentation. Her presence and energy are AMAZING; pure love. I shared with her how I learned the importance of self-love after multiple suicide attempts, and we had a good laugh over my resistance to reading her book. She gave me a kiss and said to keep doing what I'm doing. Deal.

Here is a metaphor she uses in her book and presentations that I really like. I can't recommend her book enough! And you don't have to face your own death to learn these lessons. Enjoy.


FlashlightOnly a Flashlight

How do you see reality?

By Anita Moorjani

Although I try to share my near-death experience, there are no words that can come close to describing its depth and the amount of knowledge that came flooding through. So the best way to express it is through the use of metaphors and analogies. Hopefully, they capture a part of the essence of what I’m trying to convey at least in some small way.

Imagine, if you will, a huge, dark warehouse. You live there with only one flashlight to see by. Everything you know about what’s contained within this enormous space is what you’ve seen by the beam of one small flashlight. Whenever you want to look for something, you may or may not find it, but that doesn’t mean the thing doesn’t exist. It’s there, but you just haven’t shone your light on it. And even when you do, the object you see may be difficult to make out. You may get a fairly clear idea of it, but often you’re left wondering. You can only see what your light is focused on, and only identify that which you already know.

That is what physical life is like. We’re only aware of what we focus our senses on at any given time, and we can only understand what is already familiar.

Next, imagine that one day, someone flicks on a switch. There for the first time, in a sudden burst of brilliance and sound and color, you can see the entire warehouse, and it’s nothing like anything you’d ever imagined. Lights are blinking, flashing, glowing, and shooting sparks of red, yellow, blue, and green. You see colors you don’t recognize, ones you’ve never seen before. Music floods the room with fantastic, kaleidoscopic, surround-sound melodies you’ve never heard before.

Neon signs pulse and boogie in rainbow strobes of cherry, lemon, vermillion, grape, lavender, and gold. Electric toys run on tracks up, down, and around shelves stacked with indescribable colored boxes, packages, papers, pencils, paints, inks, cans of food, packages of multihued candies, bottles of effervescent sodas, chocolates of every possible variety, champagne, and wines from every corner of the world. Skyrockets suddenly explode in starbursts, setting off sparkling flowers, cascades of cold fire, whistling embers, and animations of light.

The vastness, complexity, depth, and breadth of everything going on around you is almost overwhelming. You can’t see all the way to the end of the space, and you know there’s more to it than what you can take in from this torrent that’s tantalizing your senses and emotions. But you do get a strong feeling that you’re actually part of something alive, infinite, and altogether fantastic, that you are part of a large and unfolding tapestry that goes beyond sight and sound.

You understand that what you used to think was your reality was, in fact, hardly a speck within the vast wonder that surrounds you. You can see how all the various parts are interrelated, how they all play off each other, how everything fits. You notice just how many different things there are in the warehouse that you’d never seen, never even dreamed of existing in such splendor and glory of color, sound, and texture—but here they are, along with everything you already knew. And even the objects you were aware of have an entirely new context so that they, too, seem completely new and strangely super-real.

Even when the switch goes back off, nothing can take away your understanding and clarity, the wonder and beauty, or the fabulous aliveness of the experience. Nothing can ever cancel your knowledge of all that exists in the warehouse. You’re now far more aware of what’s there, how to access it, and what’s possible than you ever were with your little flashlight. And you’re left with a sense of awe over everything you experienced in those blindingly lucid moments. Life has taken on a different meaning, and your new experiences moving forward are created from this awareness.

About Anita

Anita MoorjaniAfter her cancer diagnosis in 2002, Anita Moorjani experienced what most of us never have – she “crossed over” and came back to share what she learned. Her remarkable near death experience (NDE) and subsequent healing is one of the most amazing ever recorded. Anita's NDE tremendously changed her perspective on life, and inspired her critically-acclaimed New York Times best-selling book, Dying To Be Me.

Her work is now ingrained with the depths and insights she gained while in the other realm and has propelled her to the forefront of the world of personal transformation and NDE. She is the embodiment of the truth that we all have the inner power and wisdom to overcome even life’s most adverse situations, as she’s the living proof of this possibility.

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Medical Myths

-- Andy Grant, June 26, 2013

When I was growing up and dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, I was told by doctors that depression was "in my genes" and there was nothing I could do about it except to take antidepressants for the rest of my life. Such declarations made me feel more hopeless, flawed and broken. Especially since for years, medication gave me nothing but side effects. If medication has worked for you, awesome. I'm happy for you. If it hasn't, maybe you've fallen victim to some myths too.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a couple of doctors I wish I'd had when I was growing up. Dr. Kim and Dr. Mario are a husband and wife team going by the name, The Thrive Doctors. They teach the very things I've discovered the hard way, that our thoughts do indeed impact our health and that by changing the way you think about your health, you can improve your wellbeing, vitality, and happiness.

The Thrive Doctors have released a series of videos this week that I think are fantastic!

Check this video out! It completely debunks six medical myths that have been fooling people for years. The truths contained in this video haven't even been released to the public. And, most within the medical community don't even know about them.

Unleashing Physician Within

According to Dr. Mario, "The healing process is about acknowledging that the healing power resides within every human being. Health care providers are really health care reminders." Health Care Reminders, I LOVE that!

It’s so refreshing to hear doctors go beyond old ways of thinking and really get it.

Better health starts with changing your thoughts. Enjoy the video.

Here's to thriving!



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Cool Resources

One of the most common questions I get is what exactly helped me overcome my darkest times; what tools got me to finally realize how magnificent life really is?

One is reading. I've read many powerful books that helped open my mind and break me out of the habitual negative, depressive thoughts I was so used to. I've created a Pinterest Board of my favorite books, Life Changing Books. This list will continue to grow and only includes books I've read in their entirety (usually multiple times).
I'm not listing ones that others rave about but I've yet to read or any of the many great books that I still have a bookmark in as they were never completed.

A second is Holotropic Breathwork. The most healing and sometimes mystical experiences I've ever had came from Holotropic Breathwork. I've done Holotropic Breathwork six times over the last four years. Two of those times were with the creator of the process, Stansilov Groff. Stan is doing a free Teleseminar on
Tuesday, May 8, at 12:00 PM US Pacific Time | 3:00 PM Eastern.

No time on Tuesday? Sign up today and listen to it later at your convenience.

Register free at I'll be checking it out.

The subject of the Teleseminar is 2012 and Human Destiny: End of the World or Consciousness Revolution?

Words from Stan in an article he has written on this subject:

“[We] ... are clearly involved in a dramatic race for time that has no
precedent in the entire history of humanity. What is at stake is
nothing less than the future of humanity and of life on this planet.
Many of the people with whom we have worked saw humanity at a critical
crossroad facing either collective annihilation or an evolutionary
jump in consciousness of unprecedented nature and dimension. Terence
McKenna put it very succinctly: ‘The history of the silly monkey is
over, one way or another’ (McKenna 1992). We either undergo a radical
transformation of our species or we might not survive.

“The final outcome of the crisis we are facing is ambiguous and
uncertain; it lends itself to pessimistic or optimistic
interpretation and each of them can be supported by existing data. If
we continue the old strategies, which in their consequences are
clearly extremely destructive and self-destructive, it is unlikely that
modern civilization will survive. However, if a sufficient number of
people undergoes a process of deep inner transformation described
above, we might reach a stage and level of consciousness evolution at
which we will deserve the proud name we have given to our species: homo
sapiens sapiens and live in a new world that will have little
resemblance to the old one.”

Please join me for this special event, bringing the focus of our collective consciousness to this crisis/opportunity of historic proportions.

Register free at

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Simple New Year Ritual

Here is a simple ritual from Marci Shimoff to do New Year's Eve or New Year's Day to kick 2012 off to a great start.  A little secret is that you can do this anytime you want to make changes.  There is no need to limit yourself to releasing old patterns once a year.  You ALWAYS have the power of creation.

  1. Start with a 10 - 15 minute meditation in which you set your attention on releasing the old and opening to the new.
  2. On a piece of paper, hand write a list of all the things in 2011 that you'd like to let go of.  This can include old patterns
    that don't serve you, grudges or resentments you're hanging on to, fears that hold you back, or circumstances that you'd like to change. It can also include not-useful habits such as eating too much sugar or not exercising.  Make sure your list is as complete as possible with everything that didn't work for you in 2011.  My list is usually a few pages.
  3. If it's easy for you to burn the list, then you can do that.  If not, you can tear the list up in many pieces.  As you release
    this list, imagine letting go of the energies that are represented on your list.
  4. Now, on to creation.  Make a list of all that you wish to create for yourself in 2012.  Include the habits you'd like to
    embrace, the external circumstances you'd like to create, and the internal experiences you'd like to have (joy, freedom, ease, love, peace, acceptance of all that is, etc).  Be as specific as possible.
  5. Read the list aloud (whether you're alone or with others).  Speaking it out adds more energy to it. Feel each item as though
    it's actually happened.
  6. Put the list in a special place, as a symbolic offering for your coming year.

Notice how you feel after doing this ritual.  Perhaps lighter, renewed, and excited about what lies ahead for you.  Share your experience with others.

Wishing you a happy, healthy and loving 2012.

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Response to “Be Selfish” Video

YouTube user Reiken37 had some problems with my video "Be Selfish"

His comments couldn't be contained in the allowable comment space so he sent me this message which I've decided to share with everyone. Though it seems to frustrate him greatly, I'm not adding additional commentary from myself.

My notes after watching your "Be Selfish" video 09/93/11

His first point that a selfish person would put all the resources available to making himself feel good is poor because there are many mindsets of a selfish person. The term selfish, while articulate in definition, describes a wide range of thought processes. Yes a person who is selfish might do that but then they wouldn't be suicidal of course ergo proving your point. However many selfish people instead choose the route which takes all they have and pushes it away to create a circle around them. One that could imply greater importance within the circle (themselves), or perhaps one for the sheer purpose of everyone else seeing that person, for the purpose of being pitied, all of which would result in depression more often than not.

Second wrong point is his second point. A selfish persons' top priority is not enjoying life it is furthering themselves in a variety of ways, whether it be in others' eyes, in the worlds' eyes, in their own eyes. The first two and perhaps the third could all result into their mind being warped into a terrible mindset which would result in depression. This guy needs to stop spouting shit as fact when he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Oh so here is the whole point: "I don't think we're selfish enough!". Note this man has attempted suicide three times or something like that, he is practically trying to imply that people who attempt suicide or are suicidal are better than those who don't. Which is both idiotic and treacherous as it not only encourages suicidal thoughts in others but it is completely wrong.

Next point is that suicidal people can't give others anything because they have nothing unlike happy people. Ignoring the literal and inherently wrong piece of that, I'll move onto the implied point that giving happiness is attributed in some way to selfishness. Which is wrong and doesn't even apply to the argument he just presented.

Says suicide is out of ignorance, a stupid thing to do, yes but that is unrelated to your idiotic presumption earlier.

Next point is that "I don't see selfishness as a reason for suicide". Compelling point, go to harvard you fucking hack.

THANK YOU! SOMEONE WHO IS SELFISH WOULD PUT THEIR NEEDS FIRST! A person who commits suicide is doing that by ending their own suffering for the sake of ending their own suffering. Their selfish needs came first. I can't wait to see how he tries to spin this to the other side of the argument.

He fucking says that he put his misery and pain first and that it didn't feel selfish which is his argument? Oh my god this video is so wrong and poorly made. Punishment and Martyrdom are inherently selfish thoughts to have from that standpoint... ugh I hope you don't believe this for your sake.

Oh here we go, the classic "I was helping others because I was such a worthless existence that my death would only help others." that many people use. But that is wrong and implies a thought process which starts with the selfish desire of sadness to seek a reason. You started with a conclusion and ended with a reasoning that you cannot say is true.


Goes on more about how those who don't feel love can't love... sadly that argument is poor once again because it implies someone is already in a suicidal state when you're trying to prove that someone in the context of a presence that isn't in that state is selfish.

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