Surviving Myself A Journey from Suicidal to Happy


Cries For Help

-- Andy Grant, July 31, 2011

Some random thoughts on the fact that so many people seem comfortable ignoring or making light of suicide attempts by calling them merely cries for help.
Check out this site for ways to help:

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Live on “Living On The Edge”

I'll be a guest with Andrea Hylen on her radio show "Living On The Edge" Monday July, 18, 20011.  I'll be talking about my transformation from being a miserable, suicidal bastard to the happy-go-lucky guy I am today! LOL. Or something like that.

Join us on Monday 9am Pacific/noon Eastern time:​ivingontheedge

If you miss the live event you can listen to a replay anytime:


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Comments and Lessons

--  Andy Grant, July 12, 2011

Last August, when I launched this site and started posting videos to share my past regarding depression and suicide attempts, I was petrified. I was very concerned with the reaction I’d get. When I tried to get specific about my fear, it was all about being mocked or picked on. I imagined all sorts of comments on YouTube saying, “You suck!” “This is gay” etc. I realized these were the most common insults while I was growing up. To do or say anything that was called “gay” by someone else seemed like the worst thing in the world. I never took any “gay” comment to actually mean anything related to homosexuality, but rather it conveyed the strong disapproval of my peers. Anything “gay” was something you shouldn’t have done and that you’ll regret for the rest of your life – at least that is how it felt in the ninth grade.

Obviously, I pressed on and was pleasantly surprised by the support of friends and strangers alike. My fears fell away more and more with each video I posted. Then a few weeks ago, the comment I feared most landed.

Upon reading “SO GAY” I laughed and laughed. I had such a huge sense of relief and couldn’t believe this was something I was worried about.

This particular video, “The Best Way To Die” is the one I actually like to see pissed off comments about and dislikes. Because it tells me someone found it while they were looking for ways to die and they are mad that the video didn’t offer them any method of suicide. That is why I made the video. Only a few years ago, I was the one searching for the best way to die.

After my laughter over the comment passed I found a surprising feeling rising. I wanted to strike back. I wanted to attack this mystery commenter. I realized it had nothing to do with him; it was my old shit coming up. I wrote and deleted many comments, not sure if I should just let it remain unanswered or perhaps deleted. Finally I posted:

“Thank you so much. You are obviously a gentleman and a scholar.”

To which the response was:

“Thanks for the sarcastic compliment, I'll take it in stride.”

I was impressed by the high road akirasovan ended up taking and I mentally thanked him for the lessons learned.

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